So today was the day.
This morning I was trying to make lunches. And for some reason it was hard.
It’s one of those confusing moments in parenting. The moments you aren’t ready for. The ones no one writes about. The day when the house goes quiet and you’re sitting there feeling like you should be rushing somewhere. But you don’t have to.
The bus rolled away and I went swimming. I wasn’t ready to go in the house and pace around. So I went into the water and just listened to each stroke.
I came home and cleaned the fish bowls. Went to lunch with my husband.
And now I am here. At this computer. At this table. With this light. And for the first time in almost 9 years I am alone. There is no one asking me for a snack or needing to be wiped. It is quiet. Only the hum of the refrigerator hangs in the air.
And it saddens me it has gone by so fast. Without warning.
So here I am. A mom of three, with an empty house.
Just one of many phases a parent goes through. Maybe not the worst.
But for today it’s all I know.
I tell you what. I LOVE instagram and my iPhone. Sorry. This is coming from a film geek. But for some reason, I feel inspired again. Just with the use of my phone. And I feel somewhat silly about it because it’s a phone. But it’s so easy to take out my phone and shoot those instant moments again. And then not have to haul my rear down to the camera store to get my film developed. It is some serious bliss.
I find myself rotating through my cameras. I can admit I haven’t used my Diana in some time. My Yashica is my go-to camera as is my SX-70. But every so often I need a break and a switch to find my rhythm again. And for a $1.99 app called Picture Show, I just found it.
I am tired of the news playing and re-playing all the bad stuff going on lately. It’s enough to make one think there is nothing good going on in the world.
But I assure you, there is good stuff going on, all around us, on a daily basis.
Go here, here, here and here.
“If you want to touch the other shore badly enough, barring an impossible situation, you will. If your desire is diluted for any reason, you’ll never make it.“
Today I am feeling bittersweet. August is marking the end to having children at home and for some reason, this week, it is hitting me hard. So bear with me this month. I think I’ll just post some pictures.